My beautiful little grandgirl, Grace is already FIVE years young. She was so thrilled to receive this "Princess" dress that she twirled and twirled around. Yes, we admired her and watched her enjoy being the center of attention!When I was five, I was not ever the center of attention. Not that I can remember, anyway. I had an older sister who required more help than I, and a baby sister who was the latest and cutest attraction. I simply was in the way. Or so it seemed. Therein began my quest, my need, to be loved and admired. It took many, many years before I EVer felt adequate or even admired. Or truly loved for who I was and am now.
A woman's soul can finally relax when she KNOWS that she is the apple of someone's eye, whatever that really means! The star that lights up the sky, the cherry in the pie, the beginning and end of a special someone's universe. That's all I ever wanted.
These days I am learning and accepting that my need is misplaced, as far as wanting a human to fill the void. Oh, let me assure you that I do own a big spot in my husband's heart and he fills a mighty large place in mine. But....I really and truly am not selfishly demanding that he treat me like a royal princess, fulfilling my every wish and making every one of my dreams come true! No human is capable of doing that. Not that I have ever seen, anyway.
The quest for contentment is to give up what you want and dig deeper to find out what kind of God-given desire is in your soul. As you let go of your own will and seek the Lord, praise and thank Him for who He is, worship Him and use your gifts and you will find that the void you thought you had is not there after all. The void I've thought I had was actually unused space that I had to allow God to fill. He has surprised me with His ways and the events He uses to grab my attention.
Because I am a woman and I was created after God's own image, I shall not allow the enemy to make me feel insignificant in this world. I shall continue to be a cheerleader for the women in my life, encouraging them to embrace the process of being perfected. Being a princess.
2 comments:
"A woman's soul can finally relax when she KNOWS that she is the apple of someone's eye,"
And we are the apple of our Father's eyes. :o)
Oh Gail!
this is the cry of many women's hearts! We want to know that we matter to someone, that our lives are precious and valuable.!
I want you to know that I loved you the minute I met you in Moctezuma! I was thrilled to meet you and your sisters and to have you as my special friend. I remember being confused and not understanding why you couldn't play with me- and why you weren't allowed to ramble about freely to explore like I did. I remember your sadness and wistfulness. I remember your beautiful drawings and how I admired them, I wished to draw a tree and flowers like you. Somewhere I think I still have a drawing of a tree and flowers that you made for me! I remember later as teenagers being amazed at your ability to play the guitar so beautifully~ you made the guitar sing! you introduced me to Olivia Newton John and the Carpenters (and John Denver?)and you sang like a bird! o0h how I envied your voice and how I secretly wished to sing just like you! Later in HS I remember sitting in your room and loving your posters (like the soft shoulder one)and your clean artistically decorated, organized room (I mean, you had posters!) I also I remember admiring the way you applied makeup and fixed your hair. I always felt so homely and boyish, and you seemed all grown up and ladylike. I wanted to dress like you- you looked great in your 501's I looked fat! Your feet looked sexy in sandals (with prettily painted toes) mine looked huge and swollen and so matronly! Your hair curled and looked like the iconic California girl or Farrah Fawcett of Charlie's Angels, mine was thick and unruly and wild.
Gail, I loved your soft voice, your soft laugh, your soft and quiet spirit, and your sense of humor. boy could we laugh! I loved how you giggled when you laughed and your eyes twinkled. Gail I have always thought you were lovely and count you as one of my best-est friends. After all we became cousins for life, right?!
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